Skype date

Oh man, seeing his face was perfect. I was so nervous right before he called me on skype. I haven't seen his face in 2 weeks and it feels like its been months. That hour conversation really brought me back like he hasn't even left. I had been feeling a little down lately so that really did bring me right back up. Dane's face is super scruffy right now and I really like it. I really wish I could have reached through the screen and touched him. He said that skype is really going to make this deployment easier, and he is definitely right.

Aside from Dane being gone, life is good. My cousin just moved here today, so I am pretty excited about that. Work is going great, no complaints there. I am building up my savings which is nice. Ashlynn is cracking me up these days. She told me the other day she is changing her name. So, of course I asked her what she is changing her name to, "PAM!". Yep, my daughter wants to change her name to Pam lol. Where does she come up with this stuff? We also went and saw her first movie...I am not sure if I posted about that yet. I took her to dinner (where she was being a little snot and I had to threaten to not take her to see the smurfs) and then we went to the concessions and got candy and a slurpee. She loved the whole experience. Well, if I didn't, we saw Smurfs and now Ashlynn wants to be Smurfette for Halloween. I think that is pretty awesome but she changes her mind every 5 seconds. Gotta love 3 year olds.

As for my social life, all kinds of things have been going on. I have gained some new friends and lost some old. Life is so strange that way. You think someone is your best friend and then WHAM outta no where they surprise you. I'm pretty bummed to have lost a good friend but hey, what can ya do?

Until later.....

1 week down 30 to go

Is it weird that the fact that we are 1 week down excites me? I can't wait to start sending packages. I am seriously going to master cake pops and all kinds of other goodies. Almost everything I will be sending Dane and the boys this deployment will be found off of pinterest.com. If you have not heard of that magical website, well you can thank me later.

If you are wondering how life outside of Dane is going, well its going fabulous (and I really mean that). Work is so great. I really like my job and can't believe how well it turned out. For those who don't know what I do and have been wondering.....I am a concierge at the Hard Rock. Basically, I book show tickets, dinners, flowers, spas, tours ect. for all the guest staying with us. If you stay at a hotel and don't use your concierge then you are a fool. Okay, well you are not really a fool, you are probably just in the dark on how beneficial we are. If you are unfamiliar with an area or things to do, the concierge is your new best friend.

On an Ashlynn note...we are working on her listening skills. She is struggling, obviously at the age of 3, but we are determined. Two days ago we were walking from the apartment gym to my house and she started to run ahead. I told her a couple times to not get too far so I could see her. Well, she didn't listen. We got upstairs into the apartment and I pointed her into the direction of time out. She stomped to her room, flipped her head around and stuck her tongue out at me. At the time it was not funny at all, I was furious. (keep in mind, she was acting like this ALL day) That little stink won't be doing that again! I took her to a movie that day too. We went on a mother/daughter date. We saw the smurf movie and it was her first experience at the theaters. She did pretty well and now she wants to be a smurf for Halloween. I'm pretty excited about that!

Well I better get to bed....much needed sleep awaits.

Day 3

I woke up feeling ok but as the hours slink by Im feeling more blue. Maybe it's because I won't have Ashlynn tonight and it's my Friday. I dont feel like doing anything and at the same time I want to do something. Seeing "The Help" or maybe go have a drink with my girlfriend....both possibilites but I just feel down. I'm trying to snap out of it but it's not working.

I still get to talk to Dane daily for the next 3 weeks. I know Dane is making a strong effort to keep me feeling happy and it's appriciated more than he knows. Gosh I love him.

I have to reitterate how much I appriciate everyone's love and support. I got such an overwhelming response from my last entry and I couldn't feel more loved. I know Dane is thankful as well, probably because he know's how much I need everyone right now.

On a side note....work at the Hard Rock is going great. I love my job and was made for this position. I am doing well and making great money. No complaints here. I cut Ashlynn's hair like Suri Cruise last week and have gotten mixed responses. Hair grows back so I am not worried. I think its super cute. Ashlynn is such a joy in my life and really is helping me cope with missing Dane. She is so funny lately, well always really but extra funny lately. She is really into Katy Perry and Taylor Swift. Cracks me up when she sings the words and gets all into it. If I knew how to post a video on here I would. She also had a ceremony yesterday with her and her babysitter for her marriage to Casper the friendly ghost. What a nerd.

Thats my rambling for the day. Thanks for reading.

Dane's Deployment Day 1

This last week has been a ball of emotions for me. I went through some extreme highs and extreme lows, only to find out all the other women were experiencing the same things.

Dane left for his deployment to Afghanistan today. He won't be over seas for 3 more weeks, but I won't see him for 7 months. Right now he is at a base in Texas, training to prepare for the "desert". It's kind of frustrating that he has to go to CST (what the training is called). This is his 4th deployment and has to take that training every time. It doesn't seem logical that he has only been home for 11 months and they are sending him to training every time. Waste of tax dollars if you ask me.

Well anyways, last night after I got off work at 8pm, I went straight to Dane's house to spend the last few hours with him before having to wake up at 330am. The evening was spent with lots of tears, snuggling and reassuring words. I am not sure what time I fell asleep but I will never forget one of the last things he said to me last night, "I'm missing you already". Dane isn't a very words type of guy, so when he says something like this I know that he means it and it means that much more to me.

This morning I woke up about 430 am and was ready to leave by 5am. I hadn't cried yet and didn't start until we started driving to the base. Once at we got there I was pretty distracted with all the friends and what not to be sad. My eyes teared up every once and a while but I was doing pretty good. Every time I thought they were about to leave I would get this terrible feeling in my gut, like I needed to vomit. When it finally came time, 3 hours later, I lost it. I buried by face in his chest and cried as he kissed my head. They began roll call and I didn't move from my burrow in his chest. "Kolter" was called and that was it. One final short kiss and he was gone. I stood there for a minute while the rest of the names were called. I am not sure why I did that but I did and then walked to Dane's truck and drove it to his house. Of course I cried the whole way home and Dane knows me too well because he sent me a text saying "Just breathe". It helped a little but it was too late, I was already sad and lonely.

I miss Dane already. He has only been gone for 11 hours and I am miserable. I know things will get better with time and I will get "used" to it but for now I am aching. I am going to try and keep this as updated as last time. I really enjoyed going back and reading how I felt the last time he left. I know that sounds weird but I did. I am so thankful as well that I have so many supportive people in my life. I definitely wouldn't make it through this without you. For now....my plan is to stay in bed. I am not up for doing anything at all. 219 days and counting.....