2nd Best Friend.

I am the friend who you call when you need advice. I am the friend you call when you got a promotion and I am the friend who will be the first one to celebrate with you. I am the friend who will bake you cupcakes and we arent even that close. I am the friend who will drop everything I am doing including sleep because you have a flat tire. I am the friend that helps your boyfriend plan your engagement or helps you plan your wedding. I am the first that you call when a family member dies or the love of your life breaks up with you. I am the first to be there when something happens and the last to leave. I will be there the whole time you are in labor with your first baby and even wait in the hallway if I have to.

I am also the friend that never gets called your best friend. I am the first that gets no credit. I am the friend you wont ask to be your maid of honor. I am the friend that you will talk to about all your other friends but the other friends are your sisters. I am the friend who gets taken advantage of and gets talked about.

I am sick of not getting any credit where credit is due. Is this other girl really your best friend? Do you talk to her everyday? Does she help you? Are you a high priority in her life? NO, and I know that because I have been there everytime these girls dont pull through for you. It's bullshit. I'm over it.

I know im not that easy of a girl to deal with and I am so thankful for the people that I consider my best friends. I do tell them I am thankful as often as I can. I apriciate them all more than they even know. All of them have helped my tremendously in all the ways they can. I do not want to seem like i dont appriciate the things they have done for me because that is not the case at all. My point is I am sick of being second best in everyones eyes when I am the one who is always there for them. I give my friends credit for everything, I just dont feel like I get any in return.

After 7 months...what's another week?

The deployment is reaching its end. It has been 6 months and 2 days, 26 weeks, 186 days since they have left. With that much time passing, nothing has changed. I am still just as excited about me and him as I was when he left. I am just as aprehensive, nervous, anxious as well. I have really used these months, weeks, days to reflect on myself and my life. I have done a lot of growing as a person and a mother and I think I am ready for them to come home. I can realize now that I wasn't ready for a relationship but I was ready for what I got. I'm not saying either that Dane will come home and we will be in a relationship, this is where the aprehension comes along. I am just ready for whatever happens. Either way I needed that forced seperation and time to be alone.

I have come along with the moving process as well. I have sold everything in my house now, minus mine and Ashlynn's bedroom. Coinsciding with selling everything I have been buying all new things for my house, down to new dishes and towels. I am excited for my fresh start. I have enjoyed this process as well. There have been a couple anxiety moments but I think these sprout from the unfamilularity of this experience. I will post pictures once I move and get settled in.

I just realized I don'd write about Ashlynn that often. Ashlynn is amazing, and this is nothing new. She is my everything. I find myself doing things just to be close to her, like enabling the sleeping with me in my bed. Its the best feeling in your heart to have YOUR baby laying next to you completely at peace and you get to watch her sleep. Shes so pretty too. I know every mom thinks that but its the little things that I think make her beautiful, like her eyelashes that go half way down her cheeks when she closes her eyes and her belly that she sticks out just far enough to make her look like a pot belly pig. It's also the deep brown eyes that she inherited and the way her hair has a curl to it that develops no pattern. I love my Ashlynn. She is smart and well manored and is everything I could have ever asked for.