Im happy.

It's been a long rollercoaster of emotions since the break up of Ashlynn's dad, Steven, and I. This rollercoaster wasn't just him it was since him. I have been damaged goods since the break up. I was devestated and this leaked into other parts of my life. I had 3 more failed relationships since him, only 1 I actually took seriously and I was just generally unhappy. Times have changed. I am single and alone and for the first time I am happier alone then not. I can actually say I'm ok to someone and not be lying. I know this because I don't have that knot at the bottom of my stomach anymore. I got 3 tickets in 1 month and didn't have a melt down. My friend backed into my car and I didn't freak out. It's amazing. I am taking this time to work on me and who I am and its working. I feel so diffrent. I have been doing good at work as well. I got a letter from the VP of the company praising me for the good work I have been doing. That letter was much appreciated. Oh and you know whats even better...when someone tells me about Steven and his wife and the things that they say about me and I am unaffected. You have no idea what kind of feeling that is. For so long everything they did affected every part of my life and now it's nothing. He is nothing and they are nothing. I have a great daughter, whom is my entire life, and an apartment all to myself, a great brand new car ( with a dent lol) and I am happy. So to all of you out there who have taken part in my unhappiness, let me be happy because I am really enjoying this unfamilar feeling.

San Diego

I went on a road trip this weekend. I was accomanied by Bailey and the boys (clayton, meezy, kenny bo & danger). The trip was ....let's say....unforgettable. It started off with a fun car ride there, girls in my car and the boys in matt's truck. We got to the hotel around 11pm. Our hotel was beautiful. We stayed in downtown San Diego, right by Gaslamp. For those of you that don't know, Gaslamp is a street lined with bars and resturants. We got to our rooms, me bailey clatyon and kenny-bo in one room and meezy and danger in another. We all got ready quickly and headed out to the bars. We went to three bars that night and let me just tell you not one person came back to the room anywhere close to sober. We were a hot mess. I took a shower fully clothed in Danger and Meezy's room just for fun. Bailey and Clayton got into a drunken fight. Meezy was creepin on me. Kenny-bo was somewhere in between bouncing from Danger/Meezy's room to our room. Danger passed out. Then kenny-bo was creepin on me. Like I said...hot mess. The next day we all woke up too early and got ready to go to Seaworld. When we got there Kenny-bo, Danger and Meezy came up with the great idea to rent handi-capped scooters so they wouldn't have to walk all day. So they did and it was hilarious. Here these asses were riding on their scooters pissin people off because they were obviously not handi-capped sippin on Budlight for the entire day while us 3 left over walked. We ended up being the idiots. By the end of the day I would have much rather been on the damn scooters. We left Seaworld and went back to the hotel with a 30 min window to get ready. When we were all finished getting dressed up, we rounded up the possy adding 2 more people, Mike and Brianna. ( They are a couple). We walked far this night. We went to sushi and then to a cowboy bar. For some reason this night didn't end up AS good as the night before but it was still fun. Meezy was a pest that night and got on everyone's nervs. I drank but could't get drunk along with danger. Brianna got too drunk and got her feelings hurt by me and left with Mike. Bailey and Clayton left before us. We lost Kenny-bo and Meezy so it was me and Danger. We walked several blocks back to the hotel and I ended up in Meezy's and Dangers room again. Don't worry...nothing happend even though it should have. Meezy made it a point to make it impossible for anything to happen between me and danger. The next day everyone was exhausted and not feeling great. We went to breakfast at this cute little breakfast place in gaslamp and I started to get a stomach ache. After we left there we went back to the room and got ready to go to the beach. We walked down the packed side walk by the beach until Bailey and I decided it was time to go relax in the sand. The boys agreed to come and said they were just going to grab a beer at a bar. They didn't come back. We went to find them and ended up going back to the bar they just came from. We hung out there for a while but I was still not feeling good and everyone was tired and hungry. It was back to the room again. We didn't really get too ready this time as everyone was tired and walked to this resturaunt Clayton picked. We gave them our name and number and they said they would call our cell when the table was ready so we went next door to the piano bar. This place was awesome. The pianists made the place super fun and interacted with the audience by playing these dating games for the single people there. 2 hours went by and still no call from the resturant. Finally Clayton goes over there and they say 30 more mins, and they never had our name down the first time. Ugh. I was not happy and by this point my stomach was really hurting. Finally we get the table for dinner and Meezy and Kenny-bo decided they are just gonna stay at the bar. Dinner was relaxing and very tasty but I was starting to be in some serious pain now. The night was over. Bailey, Clayton, Dane and me went back to our room and chatted while I tried to make myself feel better in everyway I could think. Sleeping was going to be the only solution and by this time it was about 12:30am. We all go to bed until we get a bang on the door sometime around 2ish im guessing. Meezy comes in claiming he almost died, while he was attacked by some children who were trying to steal his Iphone. He was wasted. He was now pissed off because we told him to go to bed and the drama scene began. This went on until 3ish and I went to bed with Danger in the other room because I had to leave at 5 am to get to work on time. When 5 rolled around I was miserable. I got my shit and left with no shower no nothin. I was exhausted the whole way home. I had to pull over 2 times for cat naps because I really thought I wasn't going to make it and managed to get 2 speeding tickets in the process of the trip home.

All in all though. It was definately worth it. I haven't laughed that hard, smiled that much, and felt that peaceful in so long.

It only takes one boyfriend to make you realize you deserve so much more....in my case 10.

I am so sick of these guys who think that they are better than you and treat you like shit. I have a case of the asshole ex-boyfriends and I mean all of them. The worst part is when I was started talking to them, and I mean most of them, I had to talk myself into dating them, to give a nice guy a chance. Now these guys that I didn't like in the first place and I knew I was too good for are acting like they are the shit? What is wrong with this picture? You are not SHIT! Trust me! I had a boyfriend intervention on my birthday from all my friends telling me why are you dating such losers? Obviously I am not the only one who thinks so. I may not live in a nice place and I may be a single mom at the age of 23 but... I havent been a drug addict... I dont live with mommy...I dont have a fucked up grill... I own my own brand new car... I don't cheat on my spouse... I dont act like I have a hot body when I dont...Im not a liar....I haven't been to prision. I am better than you guys. I knew better and I took a chance on YOU not the other way around. I don't care if this makes me a bitch. I don't care anymore because I don't care about you. I have learned my lesson. I will no longer lower my standards for anyone. I will no longer take a chance on anyone. I will get what I deserve and so will you.

Not so chill weekend.

I went into this weekend planning on it being calm, maybe catching up on some sleep and not partying. This is far from what happend.
I dropped Ashlynn off with her dad at 4:00pm and went to wind down by window shopping at RC Willeys. When I left there I went home and started to get ready, I forgot that I already RSVP'd for Mariko's UFC party. I got ready faster than I planned, which always happens, and called Bailey to see if I could just come over there and we could all drive together since I figured I would end up at Bailey's anyways after Marikos. So anyways, I get Bailey and Dustin and we go to Mariko's, get a tour of her rediculous 3 story high rise home and watch the fight. We left before the main fight because we already knew who won and decided to go home. When we got there thats when the alcohol took over. We drank that night until 5:30am. The night consisted of hours of shit talking sessions... beer pong... more gossip.. beer pong...spying on Dane while he banged some nasty and then some one on one beer pong with Kenny because we were too drunk to realize no one else was in the room. When I fell asleep on Bailey's kitchen counters everyone decided to look at the time. This is when we realized it was bed time. I went to sleep in Kenny's bed ( Kenny is like a brother to me) and passed out quickly. It was around 7:30 am when Kenny decided to shift his sleeping position to completely sideways and spralled on the bed that I was forced to find a new sleeping place. I went down stairs and slept for an hour on the love seat before I was awake again. I heard the 2 rando's from the night before upstairs awake and went to see what they were doing. They were just up there being weird and having strange conversations. I went back down and decided to play some Wii. I played for hours until my thumbs hurt. By this time the house started waking up and began planning the Superbowl feast, or as the boys would call " a man's thanksgiving". That night for Superbowl, Colts vs Saints, we had ranch style burgers, amazing spicy chips and dip, homemade french fry things, deviled eggs ( made by me ), brots, beans, and cheesecake. After the Saints beat the Colts and our food settled one of the boys decided to play this new dancing game they just got. It was SO much fun. It's a serious cardio work out and for some reason the guys were beating me with their scores everytime. After getting sweaty, it was time to leave. I drove my 40 minute drive home from Baileys, checked Facebook and went to bed. Now its Monday and I am exhausted.

Black Magic

I bought a new car last night. My lease was almost up and I was over my mileage so I decided it was time. The process was stressful for me. I am the worst at making decisions so actually deciding what car I liked what the worst part. I drove around for months with my eyes on other peoples cars. Finally, I narrowed it down to Nissan ( the brand in general), Toyota Corollas and Jettas ( which would make it my 4Th jetta). So from there I went and test drove cars on Wednesday. I asked to leave work an hour early that day because I was very anxious and I knew Steven ( Ashlynn's sperm donor) would only be able to keep her for a couple hours at his work. I started at Nissan first. I got this sales man who had only been there 7 days and had no idea what he was doing and not very much about the product. I worked in the car business from 2005-2007 at several dealerships and Ashlynn's dad was in the business for much longer. Needless to say this was annoying but I tried to be understanding of this "green pea" as the car world would call him. We test drove a Sentra, YUCK! Then we drove a used Altima which was nice but I knew Bailey ( my best friend) would kill me because it was the exact car she was looking for, which now she is going to test drive since I didn't like it. After that I went to VW where I bought my 07 Jetta. I loved that car. It was the exact car from that movie Knocked up. Red with Tan leather interior. Anyways, I looked around but they didn't have crap in their used vehicle section and I wasn't getting talked into a brand new vehicle. After I left there I snuck across the street to Toyota. That is where I found Black Magic. My new car was right there. I drove it and loved it and then came the stress. I talked numbers with them but knew I wasn't going to buy it that night from them. The next day I stressed, working numbers, all day. I called Steven at least 6 times asking advice and not getting much back. I thought I had it figured out and told Steven what my decision was. This is where he finally stepped in. I went to VW, they brought the car over there and bought the car from Steve's long time friend Farris. It's nice knowing your not getting completely raped from the dealership. I know they made some money on me, it's bound to happen, but its much better than buying from someone you do not know or trust.

Ashlynn loves that car. She calls it "Mommy's Black". The car is black but a weird shade of black. It is almost like a charcoal grey but is black with sparkles in it. My friend Anthony asked me today what I am going to name my car. I tried to think of something clever but I couldn't think of anything smart ass to say, which is rare. I text him back black magic, the named color of my car, black for short. OH! I forgot to mention one more thing. It's stick shift :)

Welcome to Kelsie's World

I have heard about these blogs and never understood the hype. I read my first blog the other day, which is an entire diffrent story, and decided its a great way to stay connected. Maybe it's not just a way to stay connected, maybe it's just a way to express your feelings...like writing a journal I guess. So, I gave in. I'm going to start a blog. My mom always said she should publish a book about her life called " Welcome to Michelle's World" because the strangest most unlikely things happen to her and Im starting to feel like I am taking that path. My life so far has been anything short of norm. For those who do not know me, let me brief you on my life so far ( I will make this as short as possible).

I grew up in Washington state with my mother and step father ( Ron) and went to visit my dad, step mother ( Kim) , step brother ( Adam) and baby brother( Caden) every other weekend. Mom and dad split when I was 2 and I will never know the real reason why. Everything changed when my Dad developed a very hard drug problem and ruined his relationship with his wife (kim) and moved to Idaho where the drugs continued. In fact he will be getting his sentencing for violation of probation for drugs as I type this. While this drug problem took place my mom was a victim of domestic violence and had her back broken by her husband, which I witnessed. That's when we moved to good ol' Vegas. I was going into the 5th grade when we moved and have been here ever since. I changed schools frequently through out middle school and highschool for several reasons which include; moving, getting kicked out of a magnet program due to my absences, doing poorly with grades, ect. In high school, even though I was not interested academically, I was socially. I was a cheerleader every year except for Junior year starting 8th grade. I graduated my favorite year of school in Boulder City where I lived with my best friend, Bailey and her family. That was the year I fell in love with my first boy, Chris Brown. Growing up my mother and I did not get along at all. My mom suffers from bi-polar disorder and had no medication until recently. It was a rough living situation for me and my mother and got extremely heated at times. I moved out on my own immediately after graduation and haven't been back since. After moving out I met a guy, steven foster, who was married. I fell in love. Big mistake. I got pregnant and everything seemed rosey until I woke up. He broke up with me and married someone else 10 months later. This was nothing short of devestating. I was then 21 moving into low income apartments with my daughter. I must say though, even though the relationship aspect of Ashlynn's ( my daughter) father was shitty, I could not have gotten luckier with the Dad that he turned out to be. He helps me out tremendously in every aspect. For that I am thankful.

I now am living in the same apartments with a job that I love and a crazy two year old who has totally stolen my heart. I always knew I was going to be a young mom, but I didn't plan on being single. I must say though I am proud that I have done it thus far. I have had my fair share of melt downs....not gonna lie there were SEVERAL, but I have made it. I do know one thing for sure...I would not have made it without my longtime friends Bailey( friends since freshman year), Lacey( friends since 7th grade) , Brianna( friends since 7th grade ) , my mom, Hailey (my cousin) & Amanda ( friends since 2006). They are my back bones. I'm a mess and they all know it and love me anyways.

Anyways, now you know me. I hope I have given you enough background information to understand in the future why I do the things I do and maybe to understand Kelsie a little bit more. I'm still learning about Kelsie everyday.