I normally have a big agenda, somthing planned, something going on. I dont have any of those things right now and it makes me antsy. I like to have stuff going on, look forward to. I'm craving a road trip or hiking. The weather is amazing and I just want to go somewhere, anywhere. I wanna drive with my windows down and feel the enjoyable warmth before the african weather hits. I talked about my urge to do something with Dane and he says we aren't on the same adventure schedule. haha. I will be adventerous with my girlfriends. I miss them anyways so it will be nice to do something with them, even though I still want Dane to come too.
Did I tell you we've (Dane and I) been talking about moving in together when he buys a house next year? I know it's far out but it's still exciting. This will be after another deployment, another 7 months, so it will be nice to have him with me everynight. I love sleeping with him. I have never felt such a calm falling asleep on someone chest, the way I do with him. He is warm and muscular and its almost like we fit together, like a puzzle. Sometimes he will twitch in his sleep and randomly punch me or somthing but no big deal.
My mother and I are still not talking, its been over a week. I dont know what she wants from me. How can you ask someone to excuse years of mistreatment, and not return the favor? I am not perfect and I don't talk to her like I should but I know this. I don't try to disrespect but its hard to break years of habit. It's especially hard to go through a bi-polar episode and then not get frustrated. I have to excuse this because its a medical condition but I get no excuses of being on the other end of the episodes. I hate when she tells me when have no relationship, or that I hate her. I hate when anyone tells me how I feel, especially when they just pulled that out of their ass to be hateful. We were doing so good and then there was a situation and it got really bad very fast between us. Its exhausting so I have become numb to it, which makes me the "ice queen". I know it won't last forever, we will be good again sometime but I hope she's not waiting on an apology because thats not something I can give.
