Update: Dane is now at his location in Afghanistan. Now let's back up a few days....
A couple days ago, Tuesday I believe, Dane was leaving Texas and on his way to Afghanistan. He text me when he was leaving his base at Texas and promised to give me a call before getting on the second plane from Maine. My feelings at this point were excitment, which lead to guilt. How can I be excited for him to be going somewhere potentially dangerous. My only reasoning behind this excitement was it meant we were one step closer to him coming home. The second that deployment begins, we can start counting down the days. Now that excitement only lasted until his arrival at Maine. I really thought I was going to be ok considering my first feeling was of joy, that's when the tears set it and proved me wrong. Dane's cell phone didn't work in Maine, I was calling him and he was calling me, but nothing. His phone had no dial tone at all. We were, however, able to text. We said our goodbyes and had a short conversation via text message and he was off. I heard from him the next day when he got to the first base where they process in. This time he was on yahoo messenger, messaging my phone ( which comes through like a text). I still hadn't heard his voice in days. When we were writing on messenger not much was said before I am guessing he had to get offline because there wasn't any response.
I spent the next two days, my days off, busy as can be. I put together his first care package including ; football shaped no bake cookies, red velvet and cream cheese frosting stacked cupcakes in mason jars, chocolate chex mix, a new wallet, a card and some things he left behind and needed. This project literally took all day and several trips to the store. You would think by my handy dandy list of all the things i am sending dane (month by month), including recipes, I would have been prepared. Better luck next time I suppose. The next day I spent the day in Indian Springs helping a family member prepare for her wedding. Saturday (yesterday) I was driving to work venting to my cousin about how I hadn't heard from Dane in days and how bothered I was by this. I was telling her about his lack of communication was really upsetting, but how I am trying to understand the best that I can that he is busy. I was also really bothered because I knew that some of the other girls had gotten phone calls but Dane had not even tried. Then I felt that familiar feeling from the last deployment. This is the time where I start to question myself and us. It's almost like my shield from being hurt, if I convince myself that we arn't good then I won't be heartbroken when something goes wrong. Then the next familiar thing happened.... Shorty after getting to work, I logged into my work email and there it was. Dane had emailed my work email as soon as he was off to his designated base and told me he would get ahold of me as soon as he was settled in. He also threw in "I love you and miss you bunches". Relief. I am not sure how it happens but the second doubt crosses my mind, which I am positive is a defense mechanism, I get a phone call from him or an email that I had been waiting on and I am right back where I was in the first place; happy, in love and missing my boyfriend.
