It's getting hard. What does "waiting for someone" even mean. It's not like we had some detailed contract written up. It's because I never talk to him, that it's getting hard. I havent talked to him in almost a week. When you can't hear their voice and be reminded they are still thinking about you, you start to forget. The worst part is even when I do talk to him its not like we are even being mushy and saying anything remotely endearing. We are not to that point, we are not even dating. I am "waiting" to date him? I know I am just at a low point of this rollercoaster I am on and when he does call I will be right back on top, but today it's hard. I'm the kind of girl that needs to be reminded that you care. Maybe that makes me a little high maintanace but I figure all the other things that I don't bitch about makes being reminded not that big of a deal. He's the type of guy who won't remind. He's not a feelings type of guy and this was made a point from the get go. I know this all stems from my own insecurities and they are things I need to get over, but doesn't every girl want to hear some kind of positive reinforcement every once and a while...especially when I am taking 6 months out of the dating life to wait to date you first? I'm done ranting. I need to suck it up. This was my own doing and I WILL be stronger. The end.

catch up

Lets catch up....
I have been working and not doing much with my life. I have been hanging out with Bailey and her boyfriend Dustin (also roomates to the Dane) on the weekends and with my baby girl on the week days. we celebrated Baileys b-day on the 19th of March at a bar, it ended up with Bailey and Dustin fighting and me passing out in Dane's bed (remember he is not here he is in Afghanistan and I am waiting for him). The next weekend after that I got my wisdom teeth out, which leads to the pain I am still in today. I got an infection AND a dry socket. BLAH. I have felt uber shitty but have my follow up on Monday and hopefully they can make me feel better. I have been kinda down lately, or more or less lonely. It's not that he is gone it just that I dont have any male in my life at all for the first time in a very long time. I am not used to not having any type of male attention. Im the kind of person that doesn't let one go until I have a new interest. It's horrible I know but thats just me. I can't do that now because I have an interest he just won't be back until Sept/Oct and it sucks. I will get through it. I am also fat. I have gained 8 pounds since he has left, yes I said 8. That is unacceptable....so I went to Walmart first thing this morning and got the full load of Slim Fast products and I am DETERMINED. I will loose 10 pounds and I will start working out at least 2 days a week. Oh and yesterday I had to be a hero and go save my friend because her boyfriend wrestled her down to the ground to get the keys out of her hands to leave becasue she found out he is cheating on her and she slapped him. Why is that a big deal...well because she is pregnant. Oh and not only is he cheating but he was talking to 13 girls! She went through his phone bill and found 13 diffrent girls phone numbers that he was calling and texting while she was sleeping or not home. Bastard. Makes me angry just typing it. Even more upsetting is that she is giving him another chance. ugh. Hmmm what else....Me and my Dad have been writing back and forth ( he is in prison). I guess they sent him to some rehabilitation program, which is great because he needs it. I pray to god he can find strength to stay clean this time. Well thats about it....thats me and you are caught up.