Getting Clearence

So, it's been a long couple weeks. I've been waiting in limbo to hear that my medical records have been received and that we are moving forward. I'll spare you all the boring details and skip to the crazy part....

Tomorrow I fly to San Diego to a fertility clinic where the little embryos are waiting for implantation. My first appointment is tomorrow and I feel like I know very little about what's going to happen. I leave at 6am on a flight and have a 10am appointment where they will make sure I'm im optimal condition for an embryo transplant. That's the jest of it I guess. I can't wait to ask them a million questions, which I should totally wrote down because let's face it, I can't remember what I had for breakfast today. 

My questions so far: 

1.) when am I getting pregnant? 

2.) how many eggs will you be transplanting? 

3.) am I crazy for doing this? (I'm not really going to ask this) 

4.) am I going to have to get this tiny embryo placed in my uterus during finals week? 

Pretty easy questions right? 

So I will keep you posted on how tomorrow goes and the answers to all my previous questions. 

For now I want to touch on a completely different subject. Let's discuss the question that I have heard so many times. "Isn't it going to be hard to give up the/your baby". The answer is yes and no. First, let me re-clarify that this baby is in no way, shape or form mine. I'm it's nest, babysitter and caregiver for a 10 month span. Will I grow a bond with this tiny human? Of course. I have bonds with all that are a part of my life but that doesn't mean I'm going to have some heart wrenching seperation. I know what I'm getting into and I'm so very prepared for what is ahead of me. I keep up with the mother and I'm learning so much about them and I'm positive that the joy the intended parents have will tremendously overshadow any "goodbye" that will occur. Let me also let you know of my plans. I will discuss with the mother that when the baby is born I want them to place the baby on her just as if she delivered her own child. That means her preferences completely but not on me at all. This cuts out that extremely emotionally connecting moment (that for me was the big moment). Lastly, stop looking at this like it's an adoption. It's not. Am I really some monster because I can hand over a child I carried for them. I would like to think I'm not a monster, just different. Surrogacy is obviously not for everyone but I'm pretty sure I can handle this. I don't expect this process to be breezy and I expect to have some emotions on the day of he birth but I expect them to all be positive so stop killing my vibe y'all.

I'm having someone else's baby.

I'm having her baby! Well, hopefully that is. I got the official news today that the little tiny petri made embryo will be setting up shop, in my uterus of course, the second week of December. 

It's been kind of a rollercoaster thus far. Picking a family was no easy task. I spoke with a couple families and naturally wanted to do it for them all but the family I chose just fit. They sought me out and the intended mother is so sweet and is just aching to be a mother again. I'm sure you're all wondering who this mom is and what her story is but just trust me, the story is hers and not for me to tell (although I totally don't think she would care). So for now, she is mom and I'm her kangaroo or uterus babysitter, whichever you want to call me. 

Why am I doing this? Why am I putting my body through what I swore I would never do again? .....Is it weird that I have never asked myself these questions. I just felt like this was for me, like it was something I needed to do, a little bit for my family, a little bit more for the expecting family, but mostly for me. I think that's why I feel so uncomfortable when I hear how "proud" or how "amazing" I am. I'm not, really, seriously. This isn't completely selfless because if it was I wouldn't be doing it for me. I need to do this. I'm not sure why completely but I feel so strongly about it. Almost like its a growing experience for myself. 

Am I nervous? Totally. I ask myself daily if that's a normal feeling but heck I was nervous planning my own pregnancy. I get nervous making a latte choice at Starbucks so I've decided it's okay to be nervous. I'm most nervous about the birth because mom says that all the women in her family have BIG babies. Yikes! What do you  mean big? Like Thanksgiving turkey big! C-section here I come. I'm kidding...kind of. 

So what's next? I ask my poor agent that daily. In not even sure if she's an agent but that's just what I call her. Her names Danielle. I've asked her 9,456,784 questions and she's been so patient for this first timer. 

Anyways, so next I will fly to L.A. for my screening. They make sure I'm all set and a viable candidate internally and send me on my way with a handful of meds that make me extra fertile. Lucky Dane, he get s to live with crazy for 6 weeks longer than a normal pregnancy! (Maybe less if inonlybhave to take the meds for 4 weeks or something). After that I head back for the big implantation. A day of relaxing post transfer and then I'm pregnant, fingers crossed. 

So for now, that's about it. Just planning my life out, one baby step at a time.